[type · something · interesting · here]

It is we sinful women
who are not awed by the grandeur of those who wear gowns
who don't sell out lives
who don't bow our heads
who don't fold our hands together.

It is we sinful women
while those who sell the harvests of our bodies
become exalted
become distinguished
become the just princes of the material world.

It is we sinful women
who come out raising the banner of truth
up against barricades of lies on the highways
who find stories of persecution piled on each threshold
who find the tongues which could speak have been severed.

It is we sinful women.
Now, even if the night gives chase
these eyes shall not be put out.
For the wall which has been razed
don't insist now in raising it again.

It is we sinful women
who are not awed by the grandeur of those who wear gowns
who don't sell out lives
who don't bow our heads
who don't fold our hands together.

-- Kishwar Naheed
a pakistani feminist who keeps getting censured by the government for obscenity

I'm all find with the ideal of the knight in shining armor thing as long as I get to ride by his side and join the adventure. I was never one who liked being a damsle in distress - which has made this whole thing harder. I don't want someone feel like they have to rescue me. I used to pretend I was She-ra from masters of the universe or I was Xena Warrior Princess. Anything but Rupunzel or Sleeping Beauty. But the reality is that there are no knights in shining armor and fairytales are meant to scare the crap out of little children...there are no happy endings. The little girl in me mourns over that

I've always wanted to use that word...Juxiposition. I'm not even sure if I'm using it right, I think I am. An unfortunate event of illness occured with one of my dear friends, Megan, that left us sitting in the ER for an ungodly amount of time waiting. If you want God to teach you patience or just how to wait - be specific and leave any possibility of sitting in the ER as an object lesson out. Anyway. Megan will be okay. that little rant had to do with where I was at the time I made a mental note on odd juxipositions.

Menonites.

There's a certain surrealness to them. Home made dresses, Amishlike in a lot of their ways but with celphones and high end sneakers. There were a few Menonites in the ER and I couldn't help watch them. It was just a very odd thing for me to see. Living in Pensacola you see them a lot but I just can't quite get over how a very old fashion, strick lifestyle finds itself mingling in with the modern. New Sketchers under a homemade, extremely modest dress. A Cingular Razor held next to ears and hair that's hidden underneath a bonnet. Juxiposition? Lack of sleep? Bored at work?

I spent dinner with my dad and step-mom argueing about weird thing...I don't know if I was doing any of the argueing. Just listening. My step-mom went on an outrage about me being in a figure drawing class. Yeah, it was ackward in the beinging but it's pretty professional and I'm not sure anymore of the "unethicalness of it." I don't think God sees anything wrong with me taking the class... if anything He's shown me the beauty I fail to see sometimes. The models are real people too interesting people, trying to pay for college. They're pretty modest outside of the job too. Drawing them....trying to reflect God's design...is that so wrong? It's not capturing a sexual act. There was a point were I'd agree with her but not so much anymore. Mom and I talked about it once.. she compared what I do in class to working in the medical field. " You see naked bodies all the time and they're just that to you... there's nothing sexual about it." was what she said. I could say to my step-mom that it's professional..but she'd say something to the effect that so is the pornography industry. Art and porn are not the same.

The whole time she was going on she kept saying how unchristian it was and how I should stand up for my rights as a christian student and say that I shouldn't have to take the class because I find it unethical and "not of god". Well.. I like the class. I think maybe God's teaching me a lot in that class. He shows me that woman were designed to be beautiful.. all of us...me. Men have a beauty in the mechanical quality of their build...a complicated, finely engineered machine (except for that one model who needs to do something other than play video games) from the bone structure up. It really impresses me...as fustrated as I get with the act of drawing. I'm somewhat surprised that the artist that believe that we were created by a god or God himself are in the minority. Anyway..is it really ungodly if God's working with it? I do know that it would be a bad witness for me to go out and be a nude model...not that I would anyway because I'm not that comfortable in my own skin.

Listening to her and then to some stuff dad's already been saying I had this overwhelming feeling that what they understand christianity to be exists in a man made box. Do you get what I'm say?

There was also this arguement between me and dad about what global warming is and if it's real. Yes and no. Global warming as it is taught in high schools, the news and withing the evolutionists club is not...but yes global warming trends do occur that cause abnormal weather patterns like a lot of hurricanes and weird winters, we might be in one now...it's a broken world trying it's job...seeking eqalibrium. It won't until Jesus does some redesigning. And I had to laugh at dad because here he is arguing with the environmental scientist who randomly keeps up on the subject via Alex or the journals that I get to shelve.